Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor

 

Cats and Climate Change; the Smith-Begley Effect

“I have a complaint,” Mrs. Smith began. “You declawed my cat, Tommy, and now the claws have grown back.”

“Well, occasionally scar tissue grows that looks like a deformed claw,” I offered. “Bring your kitty to the clinic and I’ll take a look.” I pulled Tommy’s record and it indicated he was declawed eight years ago. “This is odd to see a complication this far down the road,” I thought to myself.

One hour later, Tommy and Mrs. Smith stormed into my clinic and Mrs. Smith appeared more agitated than I had anticipated. “I am not happy these grew back and I am not paying to have this fixed,” she blurted. As I examined Tommy’s toes, Mrs. Smith began reciting Tommy’s life history; how she rescued him from someone who abuses cats and nursed him back to health before someone snuck into her yard and stole him to use in science experiments. “It’s a miracle,” she said. “Six years ago Tommy was stolen and I opened the garage door this morning and he walked right into the house just like he had been here all along.”

I nodded politely as I quietly pressed on each paw to extend Tommy’s perfectly normal claws. “This is odd,” I mumbled, “These claws aren’t scarred at all.”

“You did something wrong or the claws wouldn’t have grown back,” Mrs. Smith snarled in response. I studied Tommy’s chart. We had neutered and declawed an orange tom cat eight years ago so I rolled Tommy to his belly and lifted his tail. Suddenly, there it was; the answer. This wasn’t Tommy, this was Tammy; the imposter whose tail I held was a spayed female, while the cat we declawed before, had been a male.

Immensely happy to answer the mystery I blurted, “This cat is a female and the one we declawed was a male, so obviously this is a different cat.”

Mrs. Smith snapped her head and glared at me. “Listen here sonny, don’t you dare tell me I don’t know my Tommy when I see him,” she barked as her face flashed fiery red. Her head began slowly rotating 360 degrees as her green tongue shot out as if snatching imaginary flies. Then she became hysterical.

“I am in a battle of wits with an unarmed person,” I thought to myself. “She isn’t trying to con me; she actually thinks this is Tommy.” In my mind I quickly searched for the first exit off this crazy-lady highway that wouldn’t confuse her with logic. Finally I surrendered and said, “I will re-declaw Tommy and I won’t charge you a thing.” Mrs. Smith had already sucked ten minutes from my day, so wasting another ten minutes in surgery seemed cheap compared to receiving additional abuse in the exam room. If she thinks this is Tommy, then it is Tommy; delusional people unhinge when exposed to reality, and that is today’s point.

This same denial hysteria is sweeping through those in the climatology community who prostituted themselves into promoting the theory that man’s emissions of carbon dioxide are warming the planet. Their fraud has been revealed.

In late November, hackers released e-mail correspondence between Phil Jones, head of England’s, University of East Anglia’s, Climate Research Unit, and other worldwide climatologists. (These e-mails are available to public scrutiny through the Freedom of Information Act, but such releases are typically “sanitized” before opened to the public.)
For years Dr. Jones and others have colluded to advance the mythical theory of man-caused global warming. Data refuting their position was never published in peer-reviewed journals while supportive data was paraded to the forefront. Now we have learned all the raw data they used to develop their computer models has been dumped; only “adjusted” data remains. Very simply, and ironically, global warming climatologists cooked the books. This is a scientific fraud of historic proportion.

Hackers figuratively lifted the tail of the global warming tom cat to prove it was a spayed female. Man-caused climate change is a myth. Unfortunately, people promoting the socialist agenda of carbon cap-and-trade are in a pickle. Actor Ed Begley Jr., one of Hollywood’s greenest elites, was recently interviewed by Fox News Anchor Stuart Varney, concerning these e-mails. During the interview, when Mr. Begley became hysterical and his face flashed fiery red, I shouted to my trophy wife, “Hey, I’ve seen this before. Now his head will pivot and his tongue will turn green.”

Most of the socialist state run media has ignored this fraud and instead report the true crime was the invasion of the e-mail privacy of the climatologists. President Obama is still headed to Copenhagen to sign US sovereignty over to the UN under the guise of a global climate change treaty. You readers that know the difference between a tom cat and a spayed female know the cash-for-clunkers program, heavily subsidized green electricity and biofuel programs, compact fluorescent light bulbs, and carbon sequestration technologies are now proven to be just another waste of billions of tax dollars. The entire green-economy is based on a fraud and the hope-and-changers who advocate its development are simple con men.

 

 
 
 
 
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