Country kids are raised on
euphemisms and phrases like “it’s a long way from
your heart” are the nurturing words I heard as a
child. A more accurate phrase would have been “it’s
a long way to the emergency room,” so unless a bone
was actually sticking through the skin and getting
caught in the sagebrush, few injuries warranted a
half-day trip to town. The greatest thing about
growing up on a ranch was being so far from town you
could play with reckless abandon without suffering
the scrutiny of Child Protective Services. Few
childless government officials sympathize with the
therapeutic benefits of “shake it off.” Hence,
America has become a nation of pansies.
My two brothers and I used the same rosy terminology
of our childhood when our city kid cousins visited
the ranch. For example, one Saturday morning we
invited Cousin Miles to join us for some bucket calf
riding. “Join us” itself was a euphemism and we
explained to Miles we had ridden earlier, so we were
letting him have our turn; ranch kids are naturally
charitable about such things. We dumped a bucket of
oats in the feed bunk in the barn and Bessie, the
nurse cow, came running and poked her head through
the stanchion to eat the grain. A simple flip of a
wood block locked her in position. With our bucking
chute secured, we jerked open the orchard gate and
let the bucket calves come running for breakfast.
Vigorously sucking calves competing for open teats
are oblivious to little things like small boys
slipping a short nylon lariat around their girth.
While one of us held the makeshift rigging the other
two boosted Miles on the calf’s back cheering him on
by saying, “It’ll be fun…” or “… you’ll be a cowboy
just like in the movies.” Miles came from lineage
obsessed with the silver screen so the “just like in
the movies” euphemism worked magic. With the
contestant on board we pulled the calf’s head away
from the udder and kicked open the barn door. The
calf took two steps towards the daylight and then
panicked at the feel of the city kid strapped to his
back. There was a six-inch drop from the wood floor
of the milking parlor to the dirt leading out the
door. Coupling this drop with a spin from the
bucking stock, meant very few cowboys ever rode far
enough to discover the narrow barn door was also
short. Miles did. It seemed we always ran out of
cousins before we ran out of bucking stock.
A half century later, I have learned politics is
filled with euphemisms, half-truths and even
outright lies as recently broadcasted in the State
of the Union address. Because we unwashed commoners
accept and even embrace the lies of the ruling
class, the truth remains elusive. People complain
about lying politicians all the while giving atta
boys to the very same lying politicians. We are the
problem and this brings me to my point.
Montana’s I-168, the dark money initiative, is a
world champion euphemism and I mention this for the
third time because people still do not get it.
Because everyone knows bad guys wear black hats,
while good guys wear white, logic dictates dark
money must be bad. Reflexively, misinformed voters
will cast a ballot to stop the evil; exactly as the
authors euphemized. You will hear responsible
Republicans and liberal Democrats claim I-168 will
promote transparency in the election process. Yes,
the dark money initiative is about transparency—the
removal of it. More accurately, I-168 should be
termed the TEA Act; the Transparency Elimination
Act. Here is why. Nationwide the Tea Party is under
an all-out assault by Democrat activists, the IRS,
the Justice Department, and here in Montana, the
Commissioner of Political Practices (CoPP).
Initiative-168 empowers and incentivizes the CoPP to
levy and then pocket portions of fines four times
greater than any contribution they deem illegal.
Because the CoPP is appointed by the governor their
natural allegiance is to support the executive’s
ideology while attacking those opposed. It is not
coincidence the recent targets of CoPP
investigations are liberty minded public servants
such as Mike Miller, Scott Sales and Art Wittich.
Socialists will escape scrutiny. Passage of I-168
will be nirvana for the Main Street Republicans and
other progressives who will spend America into third
world status.
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