Gift giving means I walk the fine line between
living the dream and living in the dog house three
times every year. Last December, I mentioned my $60
blender versus the $5000 beaver blanket Christmas
gift dilemma and with the trophy wife’s birthday and
our anniversary both in August, I once again found
For Druann’s 58th, I wanted
something as meaningful as a beaver blanket but
priced closer to a blender.
Wednesday afternoon, the local canine
influenza epidemic subsided, so I sprinted to Time
Out Sports for some speed shopping.
Druann and I run 35 to 50 miles per week and
we have nearly every running trinket hanging on the
wandered the aisles pondering my options while
fingering the merchandise.
nothing says, “Happy Birthday Trophy Wife” like
peanut butter gel packs spiked with caffeine, but
since we have dropped sugar from our running ration
they were a no-go.
I kept searching.
Our morning runs begin in the dark, so I have
a bright, red flashing strobe on the back of my
had one, but its switch became so intermittent it
shorted with each foot strike, so it went to the
Suddenly, I spotted a new strobe with a special
switch requiring one to press firmly for four
seconds to start or stop.
At only 15 dollars, I had found the Holy
Grail of trophy wife birthday presents, but I
continued searching for that little something extra.
The door display had spiffy strobe-lit dog
collars and leashes.
Cash, our Border Collie runs with us, but her
reflective collar has lost its pizzazz, so she needs
a new one.
I studied the collar before speaking loud
enough to secure the opinions of the other shoppers,
“My dog needs a new running collar.
Can I give it to my wife as a birthday
present so she can then give it to our dog?”
Both clerks, the Fed Ex man in the back room
and all the shoppers simultaneously shouted, “No!”
I was stunned and this brings me to my point.
the first time everyone else was wrong and only I
My legislative experience taught me that just
because the House floor vote was 99 to 1 does not
mean this lone survivor was in error.
In terms of constitutionality, I just might
I bought the strobe and the collar and will
let you know if the courts uphold my decision.