Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor


(November 2, 2011)

Pitchmen know the key to sales is convincing the buyer they are making a worthwhile investment. When properly prepped, purchasers will then help market the product to others, so everyone appears enlightened. Sales for the most worthless product will spike if enough people can be convinced of its mythical value. Such is the story of the wildly purchased, yet rarely analyzed, Smurf-gronificator.

Sales were slow in the beginning and purchases were made mostly by the privileged few or those willing to work multiple jobs to make the payments. Overtime modifications were made to the Smurf-gronificators to give the impression it alone was the indicator of success. Predictably, its price rapidly outpaced inflation, and soon ordinary people leveraged all they owned to finance one. Watching families hopelessly bury themselves in debt, the Marxist wing of the federal government gained control of the citizenry by nationalizing all Smurf-gronificator financing programs. Pleased with the results, they loosened the loan qualifying requirements to fit anyone with a signature and a pulse. Almost immediately, big government owned nearly every American family who financed a Smurf-gronificator.

Here is the other side. Al, Russ, Dan and Lee are four good friends of mine who are incredibly successful in any way you might measure them. They are Christians, they live in nice homes, have good paying jobs, have raised or are raising good American patriots, and not one of them owns a Smurf-gronificator.

Al came of age in the 1960s and went from high school to the Army. Russ graduated in the ‘70s and went straight to the oil fields of North Dakota. In the ‘80s, Dan was working a fishing boat with his brothers off the Florida coast before the ink was dry on his high school diploma. Lee made a down payment on a Smurf-gronificator in the early 2000s before realizing he was wasting his money. Instead of making his final two years of payments, Lee invested in a trophy wife and went to work. Their lives run contrary to the adage everyone must first purchase a Smurf-gronificator to hit it big. What gives?

This last week President Obama and presidential candidate, Congressman Ron Paul, both thrust the federal financing of Smurf-gronificators to the headlines. Hence, my rambling look at it the subject in this column.

Congressman Paul laments American families have cumulatively heaped over one trillion dollars of this too easily incurred debt on themselves. On the other hand, President Obama proposed a new plan to limit Smurf-gronificator payments to no more than ten percent of your income. Then, magically like the place your lap goes when you stand up, after 20 years any unpaid debt disappears. (Unfortunately, unlike your lap, it actually doesn’t disappear; it is dumped on taxpayers like Al, Russ, Dan and Lee.) The Occupy Wall Street crowd cheered wildly for the Obama plan—a mathematical impossibility which will balloon our national debt beyond imagination. (Apparently neither President Obama, nor the Occupiers needed a math or economics class to get their Smurf-gronificators.)

Here is my point. You have probably deduced Smurf-gronificator is a term I coined for college degrees because many university diplomas are as nonsensical and as useless as the word itself. For example, unless your family owns a chain of museums, the only door a European Art History degree opens is the door to starvation. Those of you holding BAs in American Transgender Studies are rowing the same boat. (Sorry if that offends a few readers, but the truth can be cruel.)

College students are being scammed for two reasons. First, a 22-year-old owner of an unmarketable Smurf-gronificator with a 100,000 dollar debt is enslaved to the lender—the federal government. For 20 years they will vote for whichever candidate offers them the biggest crumbs from the treasury.

Second, the 18 to 22-year-old mind is the easiest to indoctrinate and college administrators could care less what style Smurf-gronificator you purchase—they just want your mind for four years. It is not coincidence Marxist advocates gravitated to academia in the early 1900s. They saw the benefit of schooling minds to vote as a collective unit and recent voting trends indicate they have been incredibly successful. Nearly all university towns vote Marxist blue. America is at a dangerous crossroads where the work and the work-nots are in conflict. What happens next?

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