I was a ski bum in high school
and when I wasn’t playing basketball, I was on the
slopes of Antelope Butte. College changed that. I
did purchase a season pass my freshman year at the
University of Wyoming, but only made three trips to
the ski hill all year. Reality is harsh and as my
responsibilities grew, my passion for the sport
moved to the back burner. Over the next four
decades, I skied less than a half-dozen times, but
on New Year’s Day I skied with 5 of my
grandchildren. It was a blast and I plan to gather
all 14 of them for a weekend of skiing someday, but
I must hone my skills rusted by years of non-use.
Step one in re-establishing my proficiency is to
upgrade my equipment.
Zipping downhill with boards strapped to your feet
has changed dramatically since 1975 and I surfed the
internet studying ski technology. At my clinic, I
sought the counsel of Dr. Mark Broyles, a skiing
enthusiast familiar with the latest developments. I
followed Mark’s advice with everything except the
length of the ski. In my day, I skied 185s, plus had
a pair of 225s for high speed cruising runs; in
1975, to ski anything shorter simply pegged the
pansy meter. Dr. Broyles said I would enjoy a
shorter, fatter, shaped ski and he steered me
towards lengths in the high 170s. I was pondering
this ski length conflict while out for a morning run
when the truth smacked me right between the eyes.
Once back at the clinic, I explained my epiphany to
Mark.
I played high school basketball in the 1970s, while
Dr. Broyles played in the 1990s. When I was a
senior, basketball trunks were snug, hemmed about
mid-thigh and fortunately, no pictures exist of me
on the court back then. When Mark played, athletic
shorts were knee length and baggy. Therefore, when
you compare the two eras, in the 70s we had short
shorts and long skis, while in the 90’s they had
long shorts and short skis. I am just as
uncomfortable skiing on 170s as Mark would be
breaking the huddle in a city league basketball game
wearing a speedo. Proving my openness, I have
adapted to modern times and now wear baggy athletic
trunks hanging to my knees plus I purchased skis
measuring 184 centimeters—a full one centimeter
shorter than in 1975. Obviously, I am willing to
change, but there are politicians who are
perpetually stuck in the 1970s; a predicament which
would be laughable were it not so serious.
The United States recently secured the number one
slot in the race to be the most inconsequential
world power. After snubbing the free-world by
failing to appear at the march against terrorism in
Paris, the Obama administration metaphorically shot
themselves in the foot before falling face down in
the manure. In case you missed it, last week
Secretary John Kerry visited French President
Hollande to awkwardly and symbolically “share a hug”
with our allies who recently suffered a terrorist
attack. As if the scene wasn’t cartoonish enough,
Secretary Kerry then introduced American folk singer
James Taylor so he could serenade the French with
his 1971 hit song, “You’ve Got a Friend.” These
buffoons were serious. If Secretary Kerry had been
sporting a leisure suit and had James Taylor borne a
full head of long hair, the only thing missing from
the scene would have been the aroma of burning
incense and psychedelic posters complete with peace
signs. Could our parents have been right and all
those drugs my generation consumed in the 60s and
70s were actually bad for us? Not only is it time
for an adult in the White House, it is time for a
patriotic American who truly loves old glory and the
freedom for which she stands.
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