Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor


Wives’ Tales Which Come and Go

I really should not let this cat out of the bag because there are veterinarians who still use this old wives’ tale, but I will. For those of you unfamiliar with which end of the horse gets up first, colic is a general term referring to a pony with belly pain. Because it can be caused by things varying from gut spams to intestinal blockages to twisted segments of the bowel, horses can exhibit signs as subtle as yawning to as severe as violent thrashing.

Fortunately, 90 percent of colics are minor, self-limiting gut spasms. This leaves 8 percent caused by obstructions which may, or may not pass without professional assistance and finally, 2 percent with critical twists or displacements of the gut. The challenge facing a veterinarian is diagnosing which of the three general types of colics is causing the problem. Because the odds favor spasmodic colic, ususally a little pain killer and time is all that is needed to for old Sea Biscuit to race again. Administering the pain killers keeps most horses comfortable for 12 hours; that is easy. Prescribing the proper dose of time is where many veterinarians fall back to the old wives tale by asking the owner to walk the horse to stimulate gut motility; something walking does not do. The truth is, the walking treatment is not for your horse, it’s for you. Without such orders, nervous owners tend to hang on the barn telephone calling the doctor with minute by minute updates such as, “He pooped!” or “He spoofed!” (“Spoofing” is defined on page 145 of my first book Ramblings of a Conservative Cow Doctor.) The proliferation of cell phones, and now Obamaphones for poverty stricken horse enthusiasts, means the walking colics wives’ tale has lost its desired effect, as most people can walk and talk, and drive and talk, and text and walk, and text and talk. This altering of wives’ tales brings me to my point.

Taking the opposite path in politics, something which began as an absolute truth, over time became a meaningless wives’ tale; a tragedy which is destroying America. At noon on January 7th, 2013, all 150 Montana legislators gathered in the capitol, raised their right hands, and swore their Oath of Office to “support, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Montana.” The instant we put the period at the end of the “so help me God” part, every issue should become, and once was, a question of constitutionality. Sadly, such is no longer the case.

I have witnessed elected colleagues from the left side of the aisle dismiss challenges to the constitutionality of their positions by satirically asking, “Which constitution are we using?” This is the reasoning progressive Supreme Court Justice Ginsberg used when she recently dismissed our US Constitution as being outdated. Progressives would love to replace our constitution which purposely limits government, with one to expand government. If President Obama has an opportunity to replace a single conservative Supreme Court justice with a progressive one, the balance of power flips and our divinely inspired Constitution becomes a meaningless relic, easily erased from the history books. Tyranny will rule for centuries.

Political moderates on my team side-step their oath by committing themselves to the principle of compromise. Reaching across the aisle to help the progressives redistribute wealth is held in the highest possible esteem and moderates justify their actions saying they “know how to take care of the people back home.” With every compromise, freedom fades and government grows.

Sadly, less than 25 percent of elected officials honor their oath of office. Such a small percentage is horse poop and why the analogy to the old wives’ tale of walking colics fits so well. Montana’s 63rd Legislative Session has begun and I feel honored to be in the trenches with the 25 percent who truly honor their oath. In the near future, when the excrement hits the fan and it will, find those patriots, and get them on your speed dial. America will need them to lift our great constitutional republic from the ashes.

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